'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas

Each year is the same - stores start the pre-Christmas onslaught in August/September and as soon as I come across them it fills me with dread. I have a moment of panic and then I decide the best way to handle it is total denial.

Inevitably it creeps up on us and then someone on the social networks announces "xxx days until Christmas!" The panic rises.

Towards the end of November photos start emerging on the social networks of nicely decorated trees and other Christmas decorations and ornaments. Why November? Will it get to the point where we start putting them up in October?

Once December arrives we are flooded everywhere with "Christmas Cheer". Trees are up, decorations adorning the neighbourhoods and shopping malls, Christmas parties are in full swing, gifts are being swapped, Carols and other Christmas music is piped through most buildings and many people are excited. Social network sites are ablaze with all kinds of Christmas messages.

I like Christmas. I'm not a religious person, so I just like the tradition of Christmas. I don't like the lead up to it, I never have. I could never work out why. And after Christmas comes that other thing - the new year - that also has an affect on my mood. My question has always been, "Why?"

Talking to my sister (also a HSP and Introvert) the other day, we were discussing how this time of year always seems to be the same for us. We were both lacking any excitement in the lead up. We were discussing the highs and lows of the lead up to Christmas Day, where we spend time together as a family and  I said, "This time of year is 'Extrovert Heaven'". We both looked at each other right as I said that and had the same 'light bulb' moment. Christmas is NOT designed for Introverts!

So, if this time of year isn't for introverts, how does it stack up for HSP's? Perhaps for extroverted HSP's it might not be so bad, but for the introverted HSP's it's a complete nightmare! It's just right up in our faces. Televisions push it, radios push it, ads on the internet push it. There are sales, bargains, buy this and get free delivery. The noises of Christmas - songs, people, parties, excitement, laughter - all constantly bombarding us. The tinsel, baubles, snow (pretend or not), the glaring shop displays, twinkling lights, neon lights, it's all that "look at me" stuff in our faces. Our senses are bombarded with input to the point of distraction.

Christmas CAN be for everyone, it doesn't have to be just for extroverts. Introverts need to find better ways to "manage" it. Having this realisation that the explosive effect of this time of year has on me, I can now protect myself against it.

I generally shop for gifts and food at the times of the day/night where there are less people shopping, it's important for us introverts and HSP's to learn those times. I've only been going out when I have to and avoiding the bigger places. Usually mum would cook Christmas Dinner and it would make for a very stressful morning. Last year my sister and I did the cooking which changed the mood of the day completely. Everyone was so relaxed, mum didn't have to lift a finger and we had one of the best and most fun Christmas dinners ever. We laughed so hard we could barely breathe.

This year I've been doing most of my purchasing online which has been even better for me, though I will need to hit the shops for some things but I will pick my timing.

The important thing though for us introverts and HSP's is to adopt strategies to make this part of the year more 'user-friendly', we can survive it and enjoy it if we plan things our way and not be forced into doing things the extrovert way.

Once Christmas is over, there will be the lead up to New Year so it means another week of dodging the world but that's okay, I will take on board what I'm learning and apply it.

What tips can we share to help other introverts and HSP's get through this time of year?

Managing Sensory Overload

My sister (also an introvert and HSP) and I decided we wanted to go to the local show a couple of weeks ago. It's an agricultural show with side shows, rides, show bags full of goodies - in other countries these would be like fairs.

I hadn't been to one in years and hadn't been to this particular one at all, it was decided we'd go. Thinking back on previous shows I'd been to years before, I remembered the pitfalls of them. At the time I never understood why I'd get so anxious at them, why I'd be so overwhelmed with everything but these days I look at the world with my new sight knowing that as a highly sensitive person I'm prone to over-stimulation.

Ride Area

As a highly sensitive person and introvert it's important to work out a flexible plan and have escape routes worked out if things get too much for you. We had done just that. There was so much to see and do. We knew it was going to be a busy place with a lot of people vying for our attention to part with our money or try our hand at side show like the laughing clowns or shooting gallery. There would be crowds of people there, people losing their patience, children running wild and being bumped into. With so much going on, rides, animals, people, things happening on stage, it would be a challenge to our ears. Plenty of lovely smells (food) and not so lovely smells (animals). There would be so much to take in visually as well.

My sister had the smart idea of getting there early and getting into the showgrounds as soon as they opened the gates, there were others with similar ideas but the amount of people was very bearable first thing. We'd agreed that if it was getting too much for one of us, we'd leave and we'd make sure we would take breaks often for food or a drink and hide away somewhere quiet to recharge our internal batteries.

We both like similar things as well which helped us, we'd happily sit having a coffee and watching the horses in the arena while relaxing in the sunshine. We could see the main show with the rides off to one side, we could hear the noises but where we sat it wasn't so intrusive. But I wanted to do some things I enjoyed as a young girl which meant we needed to venture into the noisier areas - I wanted to play some of the side shows so I could win something and my sister wanted to go on a couple of the rides. We both got to do what we wanted and survived.

Heavy Horses in show ring

I think the key to surviving such a day is making sure that you don't keep pushing yourself. Do something, or do a couple of things and then go have a drink and sit down somewhere quiet and soak in the atmosphere - it really helps you to be able to focus again. Another thing we found was helpful was getting off the beaten track. Sure it's good to be in the thick of it for brief periods but if you have a wander around the outskirts, you may find some things that you hadn't anticipated. Quite often these places can be a good place to recharge too.

Our plan to get in early worked in our favour and because of that we were able to stay for about 6-7 hours. The last two hours of our time there was harder though, it was getting noisier, the crowds were really building up and it was getting very uncomfortable. We knew we'd pushed it to our limit that day and happily headed home proud of the fact that we'd managed to survive relatively unscathed and still in good spirits. (In the past I've tended to push myself too far and come home burnt out.)

Show Bag goodies

A Fork in the Road

This looks like an easier option to me sometimes - picnics can be such a relaxing way out of the hustle and bustle of our noisy world and what better time to have one than when you come to a fork in the road! ;-)

I took this photo out the front of my house, having a little laugh at the old fork that lives in the garden.

Stress and my sensitiveness

I get stressed at times but as a highly sensitive person, getting overwhelmed with stimulation can increase the stress. I've noticed that often when I'm a bit stressed, overwhelmed or feeling a little flat in my mood I do the general HSP thing and hide away to recharge.

I have some wonderful friends who remind me that they are there if I want to talk about what's on my mind, an ever present ear for me to bend but I rarely accept the offer - as kind and generous as it is.

When I'm in any of the above mentioned states, it's better for me to just recharge on my own in my private space. I may lurk a little online to keep up with what is going on but I'm not really up for much communication at all. I prefer to think about whatever is troubling me, write about it in my journal if I need to get it out of my system.

Sometimes if I share my frustrations with my friends on Facebook, this is often my way of just letting them know what's happening so when I do inevitably go quiet they understand (hopefully). Many take these as invitations for solutions or advice but I rarely post for those things and I know that the advice is well-meaning. I ask if I want advice or help finding a solution to a problem. I don't particularly like advice dropped on me without an invitation because quite often people don't see things from a HSP perspective so while it might not be bad advice, it's not necessarily going to work for a HSP.

So when I need my "down time" for whatever reason, I withdraw to what I call my Hidey Hole and do what works for me, during which I do a lot of thinking about whatever is on my mind as well as other things and put it into some sort of perspective that helps me. Only I can do that, I take responsibility for myself and find my own solutions.

I'm a Highly Sensitive Newbie

In my earlier post I mentioned how I'm finding it difficult learning how to deal with or cope with being a highly sensitive person. One thing I did note just take a quick look at that post again was my struggle to "educate" others (people in my life) but why? That's really not my job, I've got enough to deal with. The people closer to me, I will help to understand about the highly sensitive trait but I really need to remove my "superwoman" cape occasionally and stop wearing my underpants over the top of my tights!

Okay, taking a step back. After writing the earlier post, I came across an article shared by a page on Facebook and it was just what I needed at that moment - Are You a Highly Sensitive Newbie? by Jenna Avery.

It's a great list which can help (or remind) a newbie like myself move forward in learning about this highly sensitive trait. It helps in the overall picture but it came along just at the right time for me as I was struggling with a couple of things. Now I can focus on the points that are more urgent for me as I start each new day and calm myself again.

Learning about being sensitive can trigger a lot of emotions – in many forms. Joy, relief, sadness, excitement, anger, and confusion may all surface, often all at once.

Jenna is not wrong when she mentions that at times so many emotions can surface at once, I've certainly had times recently where I thought I was going bonkers. I think part of my problem (and this may have been a problem for other HSP's too) is that for so long I've tried to fit into a world with more people who were quite different to myself, I tried to live "their way" but that was setting myself up to fail. Now I know that I don't have to "fit in"; instead, true to my nature I will become and live side by side with those who are different but it's a hard habit to break. I know I will get there, like many things, I just need to persist until I get it right.

My plan for the moment is to work through this list, keep reading the books I'm accumulating and remember to take things slowly. I'm just so grateful that there is a growing amount of information out there in print and online.

Some days it's so hard!

It's really hard to come to terms with this HSP thing. I know I will get there and I'm guessing other HSP's have gone through similar but now it's just such an overwhelming thing to deal with.

I think finding a new perspective is the hard part at the moment. Sure, I "get it" and it helps make so much sense of the person I am, how I respond or react to things but trying to keep that in mind while I try to 'educate' those around me and filter all the incoming sensory stimulation is hard.

One of the big things about being highly sensitive is our senses really take a battering, things just seem that much more intense and invasive. I've read about the different things that can drive different HSP's to distraction and often giggle to myself when they match up with me. All these years I thought I had such odd quirks or was weird. It's nice to know I'm not weird at all.

Being highly sensitive and having a slightly different nervous system by all accounts is a good thing and I can see how it would be, at the moment while I learn more about being a HSP though I must admit, there are times it feels like a curse. Others have been where I am now and so I have hope that I'll get to the point too where life works better. I guess one way of looking at it could be it feels as though I'm caught in a rip and I'm trying to swim against it - I just need to start swimming with it until I can reach calmer waters.

I am going through another bad patch with my depression at the moment which probably feels worse because now I seem to get over aroused easier with sensory stimulation as well as trying to deal with what I mentioned above. I've been back having counselling sessions again which does help but it's not enough at the moment. It certainly helps that my counsellor is also a HSP but I think what I really need is to take a good deal of time out for myself and if I could move somewhere quieter I would be even happier!

For now I will plod along though, continue reading the books I've got and the information I find online and work with what I've got.